How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
