Will you blow on my dice?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
