my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
