porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
