you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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