Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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