Whats the glycemic index on semen?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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