Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
