I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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