I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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