I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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