that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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