im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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