no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they're like a gay fantastic four
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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