No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
