I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
