the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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