I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
