You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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