I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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