Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How does one acquire holy water?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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