I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
