I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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