Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
