if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
