So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
