I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
