It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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