I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
