Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
