standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The air was thick with penises
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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