My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
