omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
