I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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