Got a toothbrush?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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