So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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