she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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