Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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