Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
