My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
