Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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