loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
