Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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