I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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