i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
