Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
