these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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