So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
