Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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