youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
