in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They took my balls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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