OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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