my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
