i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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