I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
