first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
