i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
