I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
