Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
