Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize