Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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