Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
