Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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