I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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