brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
with your own penis?
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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