theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am one with the molecules
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
