the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
