hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
