ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
