Only a mothe r could love this liver
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
