On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
