I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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