Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
