well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
