I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
