i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
