I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I sprained my soul last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
last night I used snow as a chaser
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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