I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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